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"Throughout history, warmongers have promised that their conflict will be the mother of all battles, but tonight, we're gonna show them how a proper war should be fought. The whole series has been leading up to tonight's final showdown, and throughout the land we're getting reports of a nation on tenterhooks. Men are tending their allotments, women are cooking supper, children are tucked up in bed and dreaming of the day they can have a pony. But here, in the East End of London, we have six more robots revved up and ready to fight it out for that last place in the final showdown."
— Jeremy Clarkson introducing the heat

Heat F of Robot Wars: The First Wars was the sixth and final heat which determined the Grand Finalists of Robot Wars: The First Wars. Also included in this episode was the Grand Final of the First Wars. The episode featuring Heat F and the Grand Final was originally broadcast on March 27, 1998 on BBC Two.

Competing robotsEdit

Elvis
Elvis
Weight 65.7kg
Dimensions 1.15m x 1.15m x 0.50m
Speed 10mph
Turning Circle 0m
Ground Clearance 25mm
Power 2 x 12V motors
Weapons Pneumatic ram
From: Enfield
Team Members: Neil Lambeth & John Ebden
Eubank the Mouse
Eubank the Mouse
Weight 20kg
Dimensions 0.90m x 0.90m x 0.90m
Speed 15mph
Turning Circle 0m
Ground Clearance 10mm
Power 12V wheelchair motors
Weapons Right hook & left cross
From: Maidenhead
Team Members: Steve Dove
Prince of Darkness ready for battle
Prince of Darkness
Weight 27.2kg
Dimensions 0.90m x 0.50m x 0.35m
Speed 7mph
Turning Circle 0m
Ground Clearance 30mm
Power 14.4V drill motors
Weapons None
From: Sutton
Team Members: Jon Scott, James Cruickshank, Matthew Wilson & Stephen Rowles
Skarab
Skarab
Weight 86.3kg
Dimensions 0.92m x 0.73m x 1.00m
Speed 3mph
Turning Circle 2m
Ground Clearance 10mm
Power 2 x 12V motors
Weapons Steel bar (replaced with Killertron's mace in the heat final)
From: Oxford
Team Members: Jonathan Attias, Chris Crosskey, Peter Kyberd & Robin Cox
The Blob
The Blob
Weight 73.9kg
Dimensions 1.10m x 0.70m x 0.45m
Speed 15mph
Turning Circle 1.2m
Ground Clearance 5-50mm
Power 12V/24V motors
Weapons Lawnmower blade
From: Mitcham
Team Members: Phil Patching, Gareth Munday & Simon Carroll
T.R.A.C.I.E
T.R.A.C.I.E.
Weight 52.9kg
Dimensions 1.55m x 0.85m x 0.20m
Speed 10mph
Turning Circle 0m
Ground Clearance 50mm
Power 12V motor
Weapons Spikes
From: King Edward VI Grammar School
Team Members: Andrew Rockliffe, Christopher Hancomb & David Hall

GauntletEdit

The BlobEdit

Theblobgauntlet

Dead Metal attacks The Blob

The Blob stuttered out of the turntable and chose the left route, passing Sergeant Bash with only a small bump and tried to turn out of Dead Metal's way, but was pushed into a spike block. Dead Metal pushed The Blob through the skittles and wedged it on the second ramp. The Blob tried to back away, but Sergeant Bash came in and pushed it further back. Matilda joined in to push The Blob backwards as the competitor had broken down.

Jeremy Clarkson: "What changes would you have made to strategy there?"
Phil Patching: "Choose another driver, really."
— Light-hearted hindsight from The Blob

ElvisEdit

Elvisgauntlets1

Elvis lifts its body

Elvis drove out of the turntable and spun around. Elvis drove towards the ramp, but got stuck with the wheels off the ground. Elvis lowered its body to try and free itself, but to no avail. Sergeant Bash reversed in and slammed into the side of Elvis, but couldn't free it.

"He needs some blue suede shoes to get out of there! Oh, you Hound Dog Sergeant!"
— Jonathan Pearce

Therefore, Sergeant Bash started to cut away at the side of Elvis as it fruitlessly lifted the bodyshell up and down. Eventually time ran out and Sergeant Bash's disc had been shattered.

T.R.A.C.I.E.Edit

Traciegauntlet

T.R.A.C.I.E. passes Sergeant Bash

T.R.A.C.I.E. headed down the left route, straight past Sergeant Bash, but struggled with the turn and were pressured by the house robot. T.R.A.C.I.E. failed to move much further forwards, as Dead Metal came in from the front, pinning T.R.A.C.I.E. in between it and Sergeant Bash. Bash flicked flames towards T.R.A.C.I.E. as time ran out.

Andrew Rockcliffe: "It was hard, it was very hard."
Jeremy Clarkson: "Oh dear, you should have called it Sharon. Would've been better."
— After the Gauntlet run

Eubank the MouseEdit

Mouse gauntlet

Eubank the Mouse gets past Matilda

Eubank the Mouse zipped out of the turntable, straight down the left route and past Sergeant Bash. Eubank the Mouse's angled sides meant that it clipped the wall with the back corner and was steered into the wall, allowing Dead Metal to stop it. Eubank the Mouse tried to get around the house robot, eventually finding a gap and being stopped by Matilda. Eubank the Mouse avoided Matilda and instead got stuck on the spike block, but reversed and set off across the finish line.

SkarabEdit

Skarabgauntlet

Skarab makes it to the end zone

Skarab exited the turntable and headed down the left route, being hit by Sergeant Bash. Skarab passed Bash and moved on, being chased by the flamethrower and heading into Dead Metal. Dead Metal tried to pin Skarab against the wall, but it pushed through and crossed the line.

Jeremy Clarkson: "What's it like when you're being attacked by those things?"
Jonathan Attias: "I wasn't paying that much attention to them, actually. Just trying to force my way through."
Jeremy Clarkson: "Right, deduct points for smugness."
— After the Gauntlet

Prince of DarknessEdit

PrinceofDarkness

Prince of Darkness crosses the ramps

Prince of Darkness made its way up the first ramp without incident and drove straight onto the second one. As Prince of Darkness came off the ramp, Matilda lay in wait and pushed it back into the end of the left route, having not fully crossed the finish line.

"The Prince of Darkness is going all the way! Look at that! Oh, until Matilda came across, but did they cross the line? They think so - but the judges say no, they have to do it all again!"
— Jonathan Pearce

Matilda shoved Prince of Darkness back into the spike blocks, but left them enough space to squeeze out. Prince of Darkness pushed a pipe along as it finally made it to the end.

ResultsEdit

Rank Robot Distance
1
Eubank the Mouse Completed
2
Prince of Darkness Completed
3
Skarab Completed
4
T.R.A.C.I.E. 8.70m
5
The Blob 7.00m
6
Elvis 2.75m

Trial (Snooker)Edit

Tracie stuck

T.R.A.C.I.E. wedged against its own goal

Skarab was the first to move, but The Blob was the first to smash though the balls. The robots sat in a melee and tried to move the balls into their goal. Prince of Darkness became the first goalscorer, followed by Skarab. Eubank the Mouse had broken down near the top, and T.R.A.C.I.E. was impaled in the wall next to its goal.

Prince of darkness scores

Prince of Darkness puts its third goal in

Prince of Darkness carried on potting the balls, eventually scoring 6 as cease was called.

Jeremy Clarkson: "That's an impressive score, in my view, you weren't really up against much were you."
Jon Scott: "No, I was quite glad actually, the competition had broken down 'cause I thought I was going to be quite badly beaten up."
— Jeremy interviews the Prince of Darkness driver

ResultsEdit

Rank Robot Balls
1
Prince of Darkness 6
2
Skarab 1
3
The Blob 0
4
T.R.A.C.I.E. 0
5
Eubank the Mouse 0

ArenaEdit

Semi-FinalsEdit

"And if, at the end of the bout, two robots are still running, we shall turn to our panel of adjudicators, for a decision. Now they're going to be marking you roboteers for style, control, violence and aggression. I, on the other hand, am only interested in violence. Now get out there and do some."
— Jeremy Clarkson

The Blob vs SkarabEdit

Blob v skarab

Skarab pushes The Blob into the side wall

Skarab took a while to make it to The Blob as they were both slow robots. When they met, Skarab pushed The Blob slightly back and fired the axe, but missed. Sergeant Bash flicked flames at both robots as Skarab turned to push The Blob back into the side wall.

"Its oh-no-whoa, the big heave-ho, out onto those side bars, so difficult to escape from - especially with the Sergeant coming in. Argh! You could be right, you could be stone dead - oh! Rust in peace, The Blob!"
— Jonathan Pearce

With The Blob not moving, Shunt and Sergeant Bash both attacked The Blob a few times until Cease was called.

Winner: Skarab

T.R.A.C.I.E. vs Prince of DarknessEdit

TRACIE vs prince of darkness

T.R.A.C.I.E. spears Prince of Darkness

Prince of darkness vs tracie

Prince of Darkness tips under pressure from T.R.A.C.I.E.

"It is the crowd favourite, its David against the heavyweight Goliath in the form of T.R.A.C.I.E."
— Jonathan Pearce on Prince of Darkness

Prince of Darkness, sporting a new paint job for the fight, edged towards T.R.A.C.I.E. but decided to move away at the last second. T.R.A.C.I.E.'s spike bounced off the front wedge initially as they met for the first time. T.R.A.C.I.E. spun around, slamming rearwards into the side of Prince of Darkness before driving away to reposition. T.R.A.C.I.E. drove in on the side of Prince of Darkness, and the right spike impaled Prince of Darkness' tyre.

"In comes the spike, like a dagger to the heart!"
— Jonathan Pearce

As T.R.A.C.I.E. reversed, the hole grew and Prince of Darkness were stuck with a flat tyre. Prince of Darkness tried to drive away, but T.R.A.C.I.E.'s next attack hit the same tyre and almost pulled it off the rim. T.R.A.C.I.E. held Prince of Darkness in place and allowed the house robots to come in and attack the beaten robot.

Jeremy Clarkson: "Now, you were very rude about that earlier - you called it rude names. What do you think now?"
Andrew Rockliffe: "She's gorgeous"
— Amends are made

Winner: T.R.A.C.I.E.

FinalEdit

Skarab vs T.R.A.C.I.E.Edit

Tracie skarab

T.R.A.C.I.E. spears Skarab

"Killertron, in order to help us uphold the honour of the hammerbots, because we're the only one left, has lent us their mace, because it'll give us the reach to get into the centre of T.R.A.C.I.E.'s electronics"
— Team Isis before the fight

T.R.A.C.I.E. drove into the side of Skarab, piercing the armour. With both robots stuck together, Dead Metal and Matilda tried to free them. Skarab spun around and tried to hit T.R.A.C.I.E. with its new mace, but T.R.A.C.I.E. backed off with some tape from Skarab stuck on the spikes.

Tracie bash

T.R.A.C.I.E. assails Bash

"He's ripped the flesh off Skarab...you can see a trailer off one of the deadly prongs! And up against it, that mace is like a little schoolground conker against a juggernaut!"
— Jonathan Pearce

T.R.A.C.I.E. moved around the arena more until it accidentally drove into Sergeant Bash's CPZ, ramming the house robot. Skarab were being pressured by Matilda, until the house robot's chainsaw cut the aerial off Skarab. T.R.A.C.I.E. escaped the CPZ and moved to attack Matilda and Sergeant Bash as Skarab stuttered at the side. Cease was called and the judges gave T.R.A.C.I.E. the victory.

Heat Winner: T.R.A.C.I.E.

Trivia Edit

  • Eubank the Mouse became the third Stock Robot to cause controversy, as Elvis was eliminated due to The Mouse completing the Gauntlet.
  • T.R.A.C.I.E. became the only Grand Finalist in the series to not complete the Gauntlet.